College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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