you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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