margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
