i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize