i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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