As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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