is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
