champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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