If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my nose is crying tears of wow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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