I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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