I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
