Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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