I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
