Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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