Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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