She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
