I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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