So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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