This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
