Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
