I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
