Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
