I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
