I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and she was petting her beer can
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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