Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
