Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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