How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
