He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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