Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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