sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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