yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize