Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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