Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
