Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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