you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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