Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
