Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
