i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
