you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
