Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I want is dick and wine.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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