Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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