Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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