I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
