Plan B is the new Plan A
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Randomize
