So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
