you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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