I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
