My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
