he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
