Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if only i could text you this smell
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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