The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
