P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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