Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am naked and annoyed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
