he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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