I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
