I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
