if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
