Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
