dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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