i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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