she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
