i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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