Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
