You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
