You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
