I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
