margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
