he thought i was a dude.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize