just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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