DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake