How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
