I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
