just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
