An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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