Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
