In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
