Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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