god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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