Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
