obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
