I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
