i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
