On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
