i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
