He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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