I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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