Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
